We’ve all heard the saying ‘chivalry is dead.’ I suppose I’m fortunate to work in a company and in a building that seems to negate this saying. Most of the men I work with are polite and well-mannered. They open doors, allow ladies on/off the elevator first, etc etc. I don’t really know these people. I mean, I don’t know their names or anything. Some of them I pass on a semi-frequent basis and some of them I’ve never seen before. It doesn’t matter. That’s not what being chivalrous (or just plain ol’ polite) is about. You don’t have to know the person to treat them with common courtesy.
Anyways, today I saw something on my way to work that made me think that femininity is dead. I was driving down the row of office buildings/retail spaces/restaurants that line the area I work in when I passed a well-dressed 40-ish woman. I was admiring her dress when suddenly she spat into the bushes. I’m not talking a tiny little spit either, I’m talking a whole mouthful of lord-knows-what spewing from her mouth. I checked in my rearview mirror to see if perhaps she was sick and I just misinterpreted… nope. I was disgusted. How GROSS is that!?!?!? I hate it when guys spit but I mean, come on, they’re guys. If they spit while they’re playing baseball or mowing the lawn I don’t like it but I’m prepared to look the other way. If they spit on the sidewalk when they’re walking to their office building dressed in a suit and tie I just want to smack ‘em on the back of their heads. First off, it’s disgusting. No one wants to step in your mouth juices. BLECH! Secondly, there’s nothing, and I mean NOTHING attractive about that. You look like a Neanderthal AND you just made me gag. Today was the first time I’ve ever seen a woman spit though and I’ve got to tell you, it’s worse. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t do everything a lady should always do, but I sure as hell don’t spit.
It got me to thinking about a book my husband purchased a few years back called “How to Be a Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy.” I don’t know if he finished reading the entire thing but I know for sure he read part of it because we had a discussion about a certain item. Did you know that when you walk through an isle of seats (think a movie theatre, the opera, etc) you should walk so that you’re facing the person you’re passing in front of? Until I read this I had never realized that 1, apparently I do it wrong and 2, so do the majority of other people. The theory is this… if you walk with your back facing the person, the only place they have to look is at your butt whereas if you walk so that you’re facing them, they can look at your face (which hopefully they’ll do instead of looking at your crotch). So, the hubs and I have started walking down isles of seats with our front sides facing the row of seats. Does anyone notice this? Probably not. It makes me feel good in a weird way though… like I’m following some secret social grace. Anywho, after seeing this debacle today I wondered if they made a female version of this book and of course they do. It’s called “How to Be a Lady: A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy (Gentlemanners).” I’m totally going to buy it too. I’ve also heard of a book called “How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World: The Art of Living with Style, Class, and Grace” and I plan on buying that one as well.
I’m not a morning person, we’ve established that in previous posts. It will never be important enough to me to waste 15 minutes of sleep so that I can primp. It takes me approximately 30 minutes to get up, shower, throw my wet curly hair in a bun, put on the minimal amount of makeup (mascara, eyeliner & chap stick) and get dressed. That’s about the maximum amount of time I’m willing to waste spend on that on any given day. Would I love to look like those amazingly put together swanky women in my office? You betcha. I’d have to wake up naturally that way though for it to ever happen. Would you believe my mom spends a minimum of 45 minutes just curling her hair every day? I think she’s insane. It doesn’t take me that long to do EVERYTHING! There’s just no way that I’d ever do that. I’d shave my head first (ok, so not really, but I’d wear it super short and spiky or something). I get my hair permed for JUST THAT REASON. When it’s permed, I can shower, comb through it, slather it with some curl gel, and let it dry naturally and VOILA, I’m done. No fuss no muss. I love it. When I leave it alone (i.e. natural and un-permed) it’s this wonky half curly/half straight mess that I have to spend time to straighten or curl. No way Jose, I’m just not having it. I love my sleep and that extra 15 minutes of zzzz’s is totally worth it to me. Now, I have no doubt that somewhere in one of those two books it’s going to mention that a girl should look like a million bucks before she steps out of the house. Reality check: it’s not gonna happen, at least not for this chick. Want to know what is going to happen though? I’m not going to dress like a stripper. Even if I was skinny (which I’m not) I wouldn’t dress like a stripper. The only person who needs a good, sexy view of my wobblybits is my husband and we’ll do that behind closed doors thankyouverymuch. It’s funny, I find that I’m even uncomfortable wearing dresses that are cut above the knee now. I’m sure some of this has to do with being overweight but some of it is also because I don’t want to be adjusting my skirt all freaking night long and/or having to worry how much of my undies are showing every time I sit down. It’s just not worth it to me. I can look just as cute in a longer skirt or in pants. Fortunately, none of my friends dress like strippers either which is fantastic because I totally wouldn’t be able to not tell them that they look like one.
I’m sure that there are a zillion other things that I probably should do that I don’t (I can’t honestly say which things they are though until I read the book) but I know I don’t spit (ugh ugh ugh) and I don’t dress like a hooker. So, apparently, I’m ahead of the curve.
I love this article on How to Be a Lady that I found online. You can read it here: http://www.elegantwoman.org/how-to-be-a-lady.html