Movie Review: Battleship

So you know how yesterday I posted about going to a drive in movie theatre for our May date night?  (Well, the double feature that we saw was The Avengers followed by Battleship.  Now, I told you a few weeks back how much we loved The Avengers and I have to say, we didn’t mind sitting through it a second time in the least.  I didn’t possess a really strong desire to see Battleship except that the Hubs is ex-Navy so the moment he heard about a movie showcasing the Navy he was super excited and I knew we were going to go. 

The Hubs loved it, but I have to say I think he’s biased.  I thought it was mostly a fail.  Taylor Kitsch who plays the main character Lieutenant Alex Hopper is just sort of a putz.  You want to slap him.  A lot.  Also when their ship is hit and a lot of people die I also find it seriously hard to believe that a guy with six to seven years of experience is now the most qualified person on the ship and therefore becomes captain. 

There’s also some plagiarized scenes in the movie.  For the life of me I can’t find a picture or a clip of this scene but do you remember in the movie Titanic when Titanic is about to go completely underwater and they’re struggling to climb up the deck because it’s nearly vertical?  Then they climb over and hold on?  Yeah, it’s in there.  Oh!  And there’s a scene from Transformers 3 in there as well.  This scene was in all the trailers for the Transformers movie.  It’s where this office building gets cut in half and falls to the ground in slow-mo.  Yep, it’s in there too.

Basically it feels like they spent all of their graphic design money on these little spinny weapons of destruction that the enemy has.  That’s it though.  I realize that the aliens are supposed to be humanoids but really?  This was the best you could come up with?  An inbred face circa ‘Deliverance’ with lizard eyes and a porcupine goatee?


Oh, and their great weakness is apparently sunlight except it’s used surprisingly sparingly against them. 

Rihanna does ok in the movie surprisingly.  I think what sort of irks me the most is the best actor in the entire movie is Liam Neeson and he’s only in there for about five minutes. 

I actually totally agree with this excerpt from a movie review website called Silver Screen Saucers the reviewer says this:

In December 2011, Peter Berg shared with journalists in Santa Monica the details of Battleship’s elaborate cinematic conception: “I went and talked to the guys at [toy company] Hasbro. I said, ‘I want to do a film about naval warfare, the modern navy.’ They said, ‘What’s the story?’ I said, ‘I’m not sure what the story is, but I’ll figure one out. But I’m your guy…’ [and]For some reason they were like, ‘Okay, you’re our guy.’” And that, apparently, is how two-hundred-million-dollar movies get greenlit in Hollywood today. As it turns out, Berg never did “figure out” a story for his big screen board game; but then, who needs a story when you’ve got Rihanna, massive guns, aliens, and Rihanna shooting massive guns at aliens? Alright, technically, Battleship does have “plot”, albeit a “plot” so weak that the word “plot” must, out of respect to real plots everywhere, remain in inverted commas throughout this review.

Honestly if you like reading movie reviews you should read this review (the one mentioned above).  This guy does a heck of a lot of research when he writes his reviews.  This one at least, is thorough and on point.  I have to leave you with yet another blurb from the aforementioned review that just totally cracked me up….

As 2,796 words is 2,795 more than Battleship deserves, I’ll abandon ship now with a desperate appeal: please, Hollywood, shining beacon of creativity and wonder that you are, end your relationship with the military – creativity and destructivity do not a good marriage make. And while you’re at it, end your sordid affair with ‘that’ toy company. To date, working side-by-side, Hasbro and the DoD have assaulted us with two G.I. Joes, three Transformers and a Battleship. One shudders to think what might be next…


One response to “Movie Review: Battleship

  1. Reblogged this on Fiction In Crazy Mode and commented:
    This review is based on another review but since the other review is Blogspot I decided to reblog this one instead. A great review, both of them.

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